This Too Is Grief

This Too Is Grief

Stitch, put on the design wall, evaluate, consider, take down, add a new element, stitch, put back up on the design wall, take a photograph, consider, have an idea, take down, thread up a new color, take a chance, take a risk, take a breath, stitch and then the tears arrive.  Not a few drops at a time, but a torrent soaking the fabric and the thread I’ve just stitched.  In the midst of this I briefly wonder whether the thread colors will bleed. They say grief comes in waves.  The threads don’t bleed, I’ve learned.  At least not yet.  Stitch anyway.  Stitch through the grief.

It catches you off guard.  That’s the thing.  That’s what makes it hard.  It’s unpredictable. Erratic.  The violence of it when it arrives, unannounced, suddenly, swiftly; how do you prepare for that?

You can’t.

“How are you?” people ask.  I’m surprised because I’m just fine.  I’m busy, I’m working, I’m teaching, my old energy levels are returning, they aren’t back to what they were, but really, I’m just fine! 

“I know you had a strong bond with her” or “I know how close you two were”  or “I know…”  And the pain slams into me, taking my breath away. No, I’m just fine, I think, but I’m not.  I’m not fine.  I’m grieving.

The Wisdom I’ve Gained From Hand Stitching

The Wisdom I’ve Gained From Hand Stitching

In 2015 or was it 2016(?) things were in flux. I was re-evaluating what I was doing, where I was headed, what I wanted…  There were a number of things going on that led to this, but it was one of those moments that didn’t seem particularly extraordinary or even interesting, but in hindsight I see that it was a pivotal moment. A moment when I re-found hand stitching.

My mother taught me to embroider with crewel and a hoop at an early age. This is the Christmas creche we made together. It was while making one of those sheep that I came to truly appreciate the diversity and beauty of the simple French Knot done hundreds of times.

Christmas Creche embroidered with my mother

Since then I have gone down many paths, but the hand stitching path is perhaps the most surprising, to me.  While at Parsons School of Design I would do anything I could to avoid hand stitching. And then I discovered draping and for a time it was my new love.  Draping is a whole art in and of itself.  Cutting fabric on the bias and then draping it onto a form and manipulating it so the fabric falls in specific ways was something I loved, but it was also time consuming and I was young and impatient and so my love for draping was set aside.

Funnily enough when I moved to Los Angeles straight out of high school and before I went to Parsons my first job was in a tailor’s shop in Beverly Hills.  My favorite thing to do was to sit in the back room with the master tailor, an Armenian man who tried to teach me the fine art of tailoring.  Hand stitching hemlines and buttonholes was something I never quite mastered during my time there, but I loved it never-the-less.

Hand stitching can be slow and arduous and very, very time consuming, and it can also be meditative, serene, calming and restorative, depending on one’s perspective.  These days I find hand stitching to be all of the latter and none of the former.

A detail of my most recent work hand stitching on Pat Pauly hand dyed linen using Stef Francis threads, Painter’s Threads, House Of Embroidery Threads, Mulberry Bark from Stef Francis, Sari Cording from Stef Francis and wool roving.

When I began hand stitching again I followed other people’s patterns and instructions and while that was interesting and I learned a great deal, it wasn’t completely fulfilling. I have always gone off script and the farther I go, the happier I am.  So when I began doing what I call “Improvisational Stitching” I knew I’d fallen into something important.  Not only was I creating original pieces that didn’t look like other things I was seeing out in the hand stitching world, but it was an expression of my moods, my thoughts, the things that were going on in my life.  Hand stitching is the way I express myself.

A few things I’ve learned through hand stitching, which can be applied to the piece I’m working on, but also to life:

  • Any emotion is fair game and can be expressed through stitching.
  • Any emotion is okay and when expressed through stitching creates a vibrant, interesting piece.
  • Impatience is a frame of mind and a choice.
  • When I don’t know what to do, stand back, take a photo and get a new perspective on the situation.
  • Compare and despair.
  • Everything has its own timeline.
  • Divas can be fun, but they also can silence everyone else.
  • Diversity makes anything and everything better.
  • Rules are helpful, until they’re not, in which case, break them or ignore them.
  • Explore!
  • Be curious!
  • Engage and show up for the work.
  • Don’t squelch what makes you unique.
  • Be courageous!

 

 

Remembering My Mother and Stitching Anyway

Remembering My Mother and Stitching Anyway

This blog is a reminder of my mother.  She was my biggest supporter and commented over the years more than anyone else. It was through this blog that I often kept in touch with her and towards the end it was the one full proof way I knew I could reach her, especially when my emails would go unanswered and my phone calls went to voicemail.  I knew she would read whatever I was posting.  Over the last few years when she could no longer speak, she would send me things that she knew I’d post here, much to everyone’s delight, because the things she sent were such fun.

Like this video:

And then there was this one that I loved:

Mostly I’m missing my mom and while I know this will ease over time, it’s still causing me to wake up many days feeling listless and kind of “blah”.  I know from other periods in my life when I’ve felt down and a loss of energy that doing the things that I don’t feel like doing are the things that often make me feel better.  It’s funny how that works. It’s counterintuitive, but if I can remind myself to do those things anyway, I’m halfway there.

It reminds me of when I was the Director of the Aspen Writer’s Conference and had organized to have Michael Crichton speak to kick off the conference.  During his talk he was spoke of a work ethic.  He was speaking of what artists, specifically writers, but it applied to anyone in the arts, often do. He said, imagine if you were an airplane pilot working for a major airline and got up in the morning and thought – you know I don’t really feel like flying today, I think I’ll sleep a few more hours. – You’d expect to be fired immediately or at the very least given a stern warning and if you tried that again, you’d be out of a job.  He then went on to ask, why do artists treat their work any less seriously?  If you’re a writer get up and write. If you’re a painter, paint and so on. The point was, our feelings don’t really matter when it comes to getting the work done.  If we think of ourselves as an artist then put in the hours and create the art, regardless of the feelings.

With that in mind I keep showing up for the work, regardless of how I’m feeling, because I create.  That’s what I do.  That’s what I’ve always done. Today is no different than any other in that way.  Yesterday I taped a video on this idea, and some of the things I do when I’m feeling low energy, which almost always comes hand in hand with doubt.

Here’s to having feelings and showing up anyway.

Life, Balance and Road Maps

Life, Balance and Road Maps

It all comes down to what you’re willing to say out loud. Which, one could argue, if you’re asking yourself this question it’s probably best left unsaid. You know?

However, never one to stay quiet, I did just post a video regarding The Ice Cream Situation. You can view it below.

So there’s that.

Do you ever feel like there’s so much going on you can’t really keep up and so you end up being less productive rather than the reverse simply because it all feels like too much? It’s all about balance, I think. That’s kind of what’s been going on around here lately. Nothing bad, all good things, but just a lot of things. So I’m scrambling, and feeling a bit like a hamster on a tread mill, moving quickly but not really getting anywhere. That’s how it feels anyway. I know this isn’t the truth, but it feels that way. Feelings are not facts. Hence the deep dive into The Ice Cream Situation. It’s okay, I’ve extricated myself and am now ready to face my never ending “To Do List”.

I’ve written about the To Do List before. It’s kind of an essential part of my day, a kind of road map to follow and then whatever doesn’t get done gets rolled over to the next day. Kind of like frequent flier miles or data storage on your phone, except there are no hidden costs. A win-win, right? Well, sort of, except that sometimes that to do list feels like an anchor so then one has to ignore it or make the decision that it’s a “to do tomorrow” list. But you can see where this leads, can’t you? Fortunately I don’t often procrastinate and my To Do list can be very bossy, but in a good way.

To Do List: email so and so.

Me: Right. I’ll do that in a few hours.

To Do List: follow up with a phone call.

Me: Yes, ok. I’ll do that in a few hours.

To Do List: Give it 24 hours then email again.

Me: Oh all right. I’ll send them an email now.

To Do List: Work out cost of thread kits

Me: Ugh.

To Do List: Work out cost of fabric kits

Me: Isn’t there anything on this list that is actually fun?

To Do List: Work on improv piece.

Me: Oh! I can do that!! That will be fun.

To Do List: Work on Abstraction piece.

Me: Oh, yes, another fun project. I’ll pull that out.

To Do List: Clear up sewing machine desk area.

Me: Right, now where is my improv piece?

To Do List: Website Issues – (and then a three page list of things that I need to learn, figure out or actually do)

Me: I love my improv piece. That’s what I’m going to work on.

And so it goes. I’ve found that if I put at least a few things on the list that I really, really love doing then I can usually start on that and then work in a few of the not so fun things in between. Kind of like when you’re hiking and get a blister and then keep going anyway because you know the view at the summit is going to be spectacular and you don’t want to miss it.

Just like that.

Videos From My Mother and Other News!

Videos From My Mother and Other News!

First things first. My mother sent me two videos this week and both are too wonderful to not pass along.

The text within this video roughly translates to: “What an animal concert: The Cologne pianist Thelonious Herrmann came up with this unusual idea. He took his piano to the Koln Zoo to play among goats, monkeys and giraffes. Many zoos are closed due to the COVID19 pandemic. He hopes to collect donations for the Cologne Zoo. Usually the young musician travels all over Europe with his piano. He has already toured 18 countries with his project “Stadtgeklimper”. Incidentally, the music for the zoo animals was composed by himself. The sea lions seem to like it in particular!”

And then there’s this. Adorable…

And finally, I have some spaces left in the Dorset Button II workshop, this coming Wednesday, March 31st from 2-5pm EDT.

Dorset Buttons Gone Wild Part II:  Wednesday, March 31st 2-5pm EDT. $60 This includes a recording of the entire 3-hour class that you can refer to whenever and as often as you like.

This workshop is for those who’ve already taken the Dorset Buttons Gone Wild Workshop and/or have a good working knowledge of how to make a basic Dorset Button.  We will NOT be going over the basics, but instead will be going rogue, incorporating all kinds of other materials as well as changing the way we make the spokes so that you can make “tree-like” Dorset Buttons, as well as more abstract looking buttons.  

For those of you who are interested in either workshop you must send payment via Paypal, Venmo or Zelle using my email address: ariane@arianezurcher.com.

My Scissor’s Case Design, but using Dorset Buttons.

I am also teaching an improvisational workshop! This is the YouTube Video I did about it, which includes a little about my design background.