As our internet is FINALLY up and running and my email is now, miraculously and somewhat bizarrely suddenly working again, I decided yesterday afternoon to do an impromptu live stream. It was very last minute, and touch and go, as the internet began misbehaving the minute I tried to live stream, but in the end we were able to get through a shaky start and had a great time! I feel so fortunate to be among the most wonderful community of fellow hand stitchers.
In the midst of all the seemingly endless email/internet problems, I felt waves of such despair and knew that it was completely out of proportion to the actual challenges I was facing with my computer and various devices. I sensed that it was more representative of the current unease and unrest so many of us are feeling.
Yet, even as all of this was going on, there were so many things to be grateful for. My friend, Nadia Missoni, sent me her French translation of my latest design. Now French speakers can access my design. I just added it to my Etsy listing.
Thank you so much Nadia!
My family is all in relatively good health. My mother, whom I haven’t been able to visit in over a year now, continues to send emails and funny videos, for which I am grateful. My siblings are well and I am so fortunate to be close to all of them. My children are healthy, and if not exactly happy while this pandemic keeps them somewhat secluded, they are thriving despite all of this. My husband is always there for me; he is my partner, my companion, my best friend. I am so, so fortunate and yet when darkness descends, it can be so difficult, if not impossible, to tap into all or even any of that gratitude.
The pandemic continues to take its toll on us in every possible way: our health, our finances, our sense of well-being. Our lives have been disrupted, our interactions with each other have been curtailed. The internet going out and my email being disrupted, was yet another thing and it pushed me right to the edge. I don’t usually feel the kind of despondency I felt during this past week and I kept telling myself, it’s just technical problems, they will get fixed. But as the days wore on and the hours spent on the phone with so many different tech people didn’t abate, I felt my optimism eroding. Every little thing felt horrendous and impossible. The headaches I’ve been having, increased exponentially. It all felt unbearable. And even as I write, I also know how ridiculous this sounds. The really important things were not at risk, yet it felt as though everything was.
And while all of this was going on I kept trying to do things to break out of the downward spiral of fear, worry and stress. I started riding my bike!
I forced myself to fix some nice meals for my family. I did lots of hand stitching. I reached out to my siblings. I meditated, and yesterday, I did a live stream with my fellow hand stitchers, many of whom are in my FB Group: Ariane Zurcher Stitching Circle. (If you are not in that group, but would like to be, join us. I would love to see you there.) It was the best hour I’ve spent in six days. We had so much fun!
I am thinking of all of you reading this and wishing each of you a wonderful day, filled with things you enjoy. And if you are in a dark place, please know you are not alone.